Starlight
by RedFantasies
Summary: Sometimes it only takes opening up to someone for everything to feel just a little bit better. Depressed! Natsu. Mentions of self-harm. Could potentially be triggering.


**After watching Dragon Cry I got struck with inspiration to write Natsu as a depressed character. As much as it hurts my heart to write this, I feel like it's appropriate after everything he's been through. But yeah, there are mentions of self-harm and if you don't feel comfortable with it or it's triggering I'd advise you not to read it. Enjoy.**

 _It's all my fault. It's all my fault. It's all my fault._ The same thought was echoing in Natsu's head as it had been since Lucy's future self had been murdered. He had had more nightmares about that moment than he cared to admit. After he had left for a year to train, his imagination conjured up images of Lucy, betrayed, angry, and above all _hurt_ that he had left with nothing but a letter. Then there came the self-hatred that had ensnared him after he had been mind-controlled when they were in Stella, even if he had managed to undo the consequences of that. The others had blamed him for what had almost happened to Lucy even though it was outside his control, but the guilt still weighed on his mind.

Currently his back was pressed against a tree, and the pain of the rough bark on his skin distracted him from his thoughts, since he had taken his jacket off. Once they had taken this hundred year mission he had no opportunity to use the method he normally did to distract himself. He rubbed the scars on his wrists absentmindedly and tilted his head back against the trunk of the tree. The stars were out, he noted. He smiled faintly. Lucy would love to see them. His gaze drifted to where she was sleeping peacefully, a small smile on her face. His weirdo. Happy, for some reason, was resting near Gray and Natsu felt his eyebrow twitch. The irritation faded as he saw a pile of fish skeletons piled near Gray's face. He smirked and wished that the ice princess woke up to the scent of fish.

"Natsu?" Lucy's sleepy voice cut through the silence in the clearing they were sleeping in. "What's wrong?" He smiled naturally as she stretched and sat up.

"Nothing Luce, just thinking." His eyes looked back up at the sky.

"You've been doing a lot of that lately," she commented as she wrapped a blanket around her and sat next to him. "Anything in particular?" Natsu didn't reply. "Natsu?" He felt a lump forming at the back of his throat and his nails started digging into the skin of his wrists. Tears formed in his eyes.

"Natsu?" She turned to him in concern and her eyes widened when she saw blood starting to form on his wrists. "Natsu!" She wrapped her hands around his own and gently released the grip he had on his wrists. He lowered his head and squeezed his eyes shut. A tear rolled down his cheek. "What's wrong?"

"I'm sorry." His voice cracked and the hand that Lucy wasn't holding covered his face. "You weren't supposed to see me like this." Lucy smoothed out the skin on his wrist and her eyes showed the horror that she felt.

"How long have you been feeling like this?" she whispered. Natsu's hand was still covering his face but he answered her.

"Since future Lucy died." His voice was heavy with sadness and it broke Lucy's heart to see him like this. So sad and broken and _so not_ Natsu. Tears pricked her eyes.

"Why didn't you say anything?"

"I couldn't. I'm the one who's supposed to be happy all the time, right?"

"Did you not trust us?" He shook his head.

"I didn't want to worry you." Without saying anything else he turned Lucy around and buried his face in her shoulder. Lucy's arms wrapped around his shoulders and held him tightly while his tears wet her skin and the fabric of her shirt. She ran his hand consolingly through his hair while he relished in the feeling of having someone _be there_.

"Why don't you sleep with me tonight?" Natsu didn't say anything as he wiped residual tears off of his face and nodded. Lucy lead him back to her sleeping bag and both of them slipped in. The fit was tight but Lucy didn't mind the comforting heat that radiated from him, and he loved the feeling of having Lucy so close and practically surrounding himself in her scent was incredibly therapeutic. It always had been.

Natsu felt his lips tug up in a smile and he wrapped his arms around the amazing woman sleeping next to him.


End file.
